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Today's jokes [8.14.10]

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a quadruple amputee is waiting at the bus stop.The bus pulls up.Driver says
"alright John, how you getting on today?"

1. 




A little boy was excited about his first day at school.
So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class
started, he realized that he desperately needed to go to
the bathroom. So he raised his hand politely to ask if
he could be excused. Of course the teacher said yes, but
asked him to be quick.

Five minutes later he returned, looking more desperate 
and embarrassed. "I can't find it", he admitted.

The teacher sat him down and drew him a little diagram 
to where he should go and asked him if he will be able
to find it now. The boy looked at the diagram, said "yes"
and goes on his way. 

Five minutes later he returned to the class room and says
to the teacher "I can't find it".

Frustrated, the teacher asked Jon, a boy who has been at
the school for awhile, to help him find the bathroom.

So two fellas go together and five minutes later they 
both return and sit down at their seats. The teacher asks 
Jon, "Well, did you find it?"

Jon is quick with his reply: "Oh sure, he just had his
boxer shorts on backwards"

2. 




A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of
goods totaling a great deal of money.

The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn't been paid. The
collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, "We can't
ship your new order until you pay for the last one."

The next day the collections manager received a collect phone call,
"Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long."

3. 




A highly timid little man, ventured into a biker bar
in the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, "Um, err,
which of you gentlemen owns the Doberman tied outside
to the parking meter?"
A giant of a man, wearing biker leathers, his body
hair growing out through the seams, turned slowly on
his stool, looked down at the quivering little man
and said, "It's my dog. Why?"
"Well," squeaked the little man, obviously very nervous,
"I believe my dog just killed it, sir."
"What?" roared the big man in disbelief. "What in the
hell kind of dog do you have?"
"Sir," answered the little man, "It's a four week old
puppy."
"Bull!" roared the biker, "How could your puppy kill my
Doberman?"
"It appears that he choked on it, sir."

4. 




A woman went to a podiatrist complaining that her feet always hurt.
He immediately noticed that she was extremely bowlegged.
"Have you always been that way?" asked the podiatrist.
"No," she said, not until recently. "I've been fucking a lot doggie 
style."
"Well," said the podiatrist, "you are going to have to stop."
"I can't," she replied, "that's the only way my German Shepherd fucks."

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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