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Today's jokes [8.1.10]

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Tombstone epitaph

On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia:

Here lies
Ezekial Aikle
Age 102
The Good Die Young.

1. 




A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. 
Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. When he arrives home, he tells
his wife about the purchase he's just made.
"Olympic condoms?" she blurts, "What makes them so special?"
"There are three colors," he explains, "gold, silver and bronze."
"So what color are you gonna wear tonight?" she asks with a grin.
"Gold of course," says the proud man.
The wife responds, "Why don't you wear silver -- it would be nice
if you came second for a change!"

2. 




If Hewlett-Packard made toasters...
They would market the Reverse Polish Toaster,
which takes in toast and gives you regular bread.

3. 




A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is 
foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a 
close shave around the cheeks. 

"I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small 
wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between 
your cheek and gum."

The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber 
proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. 

After a few strokes the client asks in garbled speech.
"And what if I swallow it?"

"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow 
like everyone else does."

4. 




   A young married woman was discussing her sex life with a girlfriend.
   The girlfriend asked, "Do you talk to your husband when you're making
   love ?"
   
   She thought about it a minute then said, "Well, no. But I could. I
   mean he has a cell phone and all now."


5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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