Today's stories [7.9.10]

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In Kentucky, a woman complained of a purple discharge from her 
vagina. She thought it might have something to do with the diaphragm 
that her doctor had recently given her. 
"I followed all the instructions to the letter," she told her doctor, 
"and used it with the jelly." 
When asked which kind of jelly she had used, she replied "Grape." 

A World War II veteran came into a London clinic with a haemorrhoid 
problem. One painful pile would often hang down from the man's anus and 
he was in the habit of pushing it back up with an artillery shell. On 
this occasion, the shell got stuck. Doctors were going to remove it 
but the man told them the shell was still live. So the hospital called in 
the army bomb disposal squad, who built a lead box around the 
man's anus to defuse the shell before it could be removed. 

A 20 year old man came to casualty with a stony mass in his rectum. 
He said that he and his boyfriend were fooling around with concrete 
mix, when his boyfriend had the idea of pouring the mix into his 
anus using a funnel. The concrete then hardened, causing constipation and 
pain. Under general anaesthesia, a perfect concrete cast of the man's 
rectum was removed, along with a stray ping-pong ball! 

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