Today's stories [7.29.10]

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Bill Gates wanted to look good and impress everyone with his success. He 
decided to measure the accomplishments of Microsoft against General 
Motors. The comparison went like this: If automotive technology
had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades, you 
would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top 
speed of 10,000 miles per hour. Or you could have an economy car that 
weighs 30 pounds and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas. In either 
case the sticker price of a new car would be less than $50. In response to 
all this goading, GM responds: "Yes, but would you really want to drive a 
car that crashes twice a day?

New paint store just opened up by my place, so I decided as any 
red-blooded, sexually repressed young lad to pay it a visit. When I went 
in I saw signs all over advertising the newest color: "Natural Blonde". 
There weren't any samples around, so I asked the clerk to describe it to 
me. He replied, "Natural Blonde? Wonderful new paint: not too bright, but 
spreads easily!"

Did you know that it costs forty-thousand dollars a year to house each
prisoner? Jeez, for forty-thousand bucks a piece I'll take a few
prisoners into my house. I live in Los Angeles. I already have bars on
the windows. I don't think we should give free room and board to
criminals. I think they should have to run twelve hours a day on a
treadmill and generate electricity. And if they don't want to run, they
can rest in the chair that's hooked up to the generator. 

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