Today's jokes [7.8.10]
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A nun is walking down the street, when suddenly a punk jumps out of the
bushes and hits her over the head, proceeds to kick her in the groin and
break her nose with a massive left hook. As the nun is lying bleeding on
the floor, the guy looks down and says:
You're getting slow in your old age, Batman.
A lady from California purchased a piece of timber land in
Oregon. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in
the tract. She wanted to get a good view of her land so she
started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top,she
encountered a spotted owl that attacked her.
In her haste to escape, the lady slid down the tree to the
ground and got many splinters in her private parts. In
considerable pain, she hurried to the nearest doctor.
He listened to her story then told her to go into the examining
room and he would see if he could help her.She sat and waited
for three hours before the doctor reappeared.
The angry lady demanded " What took you so long?" and he
replied "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental
Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land
Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a
he Twelve Politically-Correct Days of Christmas
On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter
festival, my acquaintance-rape survivor gave to me,
TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual
ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made
up of members in good standing of the Musicians
Equity Union as called for in their union contract
even though they will not be asked to play a note...),
TEN melanin-deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the
patriarchal ruling class system leaping,
NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression,
EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing
milk-products from enslaved bovine-Americans,
SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally protected
SIX enslaved fowl-Americans producing stolen nonhuman
FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced
(Note: after members of the Animal Liberation Front threatened
to throw red paint at my computer, the calling birds, French
hens and partridge have been reintroduced to their native
habitat. To avoid further animal-American enslavement, the
remaining gift package has been revised.)
FOUR hours of recorded whale songs,
THREE deconstructionist poets,
TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed
...And a Spotted Owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree.
Father Goose Story No. 1
It seems that there were these 3 pregnant Indian Squaws, all due to give
birth at about the same time. The first squaw gave birth to a boy, and the
birthing was done on a deer hide. The 2nd also gave birth to a boy, but this
was done on a bear hide. And, the third had twins, two boys, and
she did this on a hippopotamus hide.
This means that the sons of the squaw on the hippopotamus hide
is equal to the sons of the squaws on the other two hides.
Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives.
"Does your wife ever ... well, you know ... does she ... well, let
you do it doggie style?" asked one of the two.
"Well, not exactly," his friend replied, "She's into the dog trick
aspect of it."
"Oh, I see. Kinky stuff, huh?"
"Well... not exactly. More like she rolls over and plays dead."
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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