Today's jokes [7.6.10]

Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to joke categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.

What is the last thing you usually hear before a 
                                         redneck dies?


                                         'Hey y'all... Watch this!' 

There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men:

"don't" and "stop". 

Phil was at the bar one night, and complained about having a headache.

"I've got a beaut cure for a headache," said his mate Trev. "Whenever I 
have a headache I head home and I get my wife to give me a long, slow, wet 
blowjob. Never fails."

A week went by and they were in the bar again, talking. "Did you try my 
headache cure," asked Trev. "Yeah said Phil, worked great! Your house is 
nice, too!"

The Fisherman

One day a fisherman was lying on a beautiful beach, with his fishing pole propped up in the 
sand and his solitary line cast out into the sparkling blue surf. He was enjoying the warmth 
of the afternoon sun and the prospect of catching a fish.

About that time, a businessman came walking down the beach, trying to relieve some of the 
stress of his workday. He noticed the fisherman sitting on the beach and decided to find out 
why this fisherman was fishing instead of working harder to make a living for himself and his 
family.

"You aren't going to catch many fish that way," said the businessman to the fisherman, "you 
should be working rather than lying on the beach!"

The fisherman looked up at the businessman, smiled and replied, "And what will my reward be?"

"Well, you can get bigger nets and catch more fish!" was the businessman's answer.

"And then what will my reward be?" asked the fisherman, still smiling.

The businessman replied, "You will make money and you'll be able to buy a boat, which will then
result in larger catches of fish!"

"And then what will my reward be?" asked the fisherman again.

The businessman was beginning to get a little irritated with the fisherman's questions. "You 
can buy a bigger boat, and hire some people to work for you!" he said.

"And then what will my reward be?" repeated the fisherman.

The businessman was getting angry. "Don't you understand? You can build up a fleet of fishing 
boats, sail all over the world, and let all your employees catch fish for you!"

Once again the fisherman asked, "And then what will my reward be?"

The businessman was red with rage and shouted at the fisherman, "Don't you understand that you 
can become so rich that you will never have to work for your living again! You can spend all 
the rest of your days sitting on this beach, looking at the sunset. You won't have a care in 
the world!"

The fisherman, still smiling, looked up and said, "And what do you think I'm doing right now?" 

In light of the latest allegations against President Clinton, Woodward
   and Bernstein of Watergate fame are in negotiations with publishers to
   write a new book about the scandal. Working title: "All the
   President's Women."

By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.

But wait! Don't forget to read Today's Stories Today's Poems Today's Quotes Today's Funny Pic   July '10 Jokes Issues: S M T W Th F St 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31