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Today's jokes [7.4.10]

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Henry Abel's son, David, burst into the house, crying like everything.
His Mama asked him what the problem was. "Pop and I were fishing, and he 
hooked a giant fish. Really big. Then, while reeling it in, the line 
busted and the fish got away." "Now come on, David," his mother said, "a 
big boy like you shouldn't be crying about an accident like that. You 
should have laughed." "That's what I did, Mama." 


1. 




An old sailor goes to a brothel,
where he chooses his girl and begins.
"How am I doing?" He asks.
"Three knots," she replies.
"Three knots? What's that mean?"
"You're not hard, you're not in,
and you're not getting your money back."

2. 




A married man thought he would give his wife a birthday
surprise by buying her a bra. He entered a ladies shop
rather intimidated, but the girls took charge to help him.

    "What color?" they asked. He settled for white.

    "How much does it cost?" he asked. "Twenty dollars."
    "Very good," he thought. All that remained was
     the size, but he hadn't the faintest idea.

    "Now sir, are they the size a pair of melons? Coconuts?
     Grape fruits? Oranges?"

    "No," he said, "nothing like that."

    "Come on, sir, think. There must be something your wife's
     bust resembles."

He thought long and hard and then looked up and said,
    "Have you ever seen a Spaniel's ears?"

3. 




What do you do after you just raped a 12yr old deaf & dumb girl ?

Break her fingers so she can't tell her mum.

4. 




A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small
boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street.
However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to
reach.
After watching the boys efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to
the boys position.
He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and,
placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder leans over and gives the
doorbell a sold ring.
Crouching down to the child's level, the priest smiles benevolently and
asks, "And now what, my little man?"
To which the boy replies, "Now we run!"



5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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