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Today's jokes [7.30.10]

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Bill and Hillary are at a restaurant. The waiter tells them tonight's 
special is chicken almondine and fresh fish. The chicken sounds good, 
I'll have that," Hillary says. The waiter nods. And the vegetable?" 
he asks. Oh, He'll have the fish," Hillary replies. 

1. 




The dentist was called away from the dinner table to take an urgent phone 
call. It was Mr. Tuckerman, explaining that young Junior had gotten 
himself into quite a fix.

"See, he was kissing his girlfriend, and when my wife and I came back from 
the movies we found them stuck together."

"I'll come right over, Mr. Tuckerman," said the dentist calmly, "and don't 
worry about a thing. I have to unlock teenagers' braces all the time."

Mr. Tuckerman whispered, "Yes, but from an IUD?"

2. 




A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says: 

                       "So, why the long face?" 

3. 




Good News, Bad News, Worse News

  Good: 
        Your hubby and you agree, no more kids
   Bad: 
        You can't find your birth control pills
 Worse: 
        Your daughter borrowed them

4. 




The following was contributed by Emil:

A man walks into a pub, sits down at the bar, and says to the barman,
"cor! I've just had my first blow-job and it was great! -- I'll have a
large whiskey please, barman." The man takes his whiskey and downs it. 
"Same again?" asks the barman. "Okay" says the man and downs the second. 
He then orders a third and a forth and downs them both.In fact in total
he downs 27 whiskeys. "Do you want another?" asks the barman. "No I don't 
think so", says the man, "If 27 whiskeys won't take away the taste
I don't think that another one will!"


5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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