Today's jokes [7.3.10]
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On his way out of church, Frank stopped at the door to speak to the
minister. "Would it be right," he asked, "for a person to profit
from the mistakes of another?"
"Absolutely not!" replied the pastor.
"In that case," said the young man, "I wonder if you'd consider
returning the hundred dollars I paid you to marry my wife and me
What did Marv Albert do after NBC gave him the pink slip?
He put it on.
A husband and wife were in their back yard, and he was noticing her
expanding backside. He commented, "Boy, your ass is getting big.almost as
big as the gas grill here." She angrily stomped across the yard, and he
followed saying, "Yep, that thing is getting huge." At this, the wife
retreated to the far side of the yard. Soon he approached with a tape
measure, acquired the width, and exclaimed, "It IS as big as the gas
Later that night when they were in bed, the husband started making moves on
his wife. She just turned away. "C'mon, honey," he said, "what's wrong?"
Her cold reply was, "I'm not firing up this grill for just one little
A little old lady walked into the bank, cashed a small check, and started
out. Passing the armed guard, she smiled and said, "You can go home now."
A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor
comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms
or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises
him as well as he can, with love and compassion.
After 21 years, the son is old enough for his first drink. Dad takes
him to the bar and tearfully tells the son he is proud of him. Dad
orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar
patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in
disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol. Swoooop! A torso
pops out! The bar is dead silent; then bursts into a whoop of joy. The
father, shocked, begs his son to drink again.
The patrons chant "take another drink!" The bartender still shakes his
head in dismay. Swoooop! Two arms pops out. The bar goes wild. The
father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons
chant "take another drink!" The bartender ignores the whole affair.
By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches
down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it. Swoooop! Two legs
pop out. The bar is in chaos. The father thanks God. The boy stands up
on his new legs and stumbles to the left.... then to the right....
right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs into
him and kills him.
The bar falls silent. The father moans in grief. The bartender cleans
his glasses and whistles an old Irish tune. The father looks at the
bartender in disbelief and asks, "How can you be so cold and callous?"
The bartender says, "That boy should have quit while he was a head."
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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