Today's jokes [7.28.10]
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Q. What do elephants use for tampoons ?
What do you call 5 dogs with no balls?
The Spice Girls!
Mother: What seems to be the problem with you? You have been married three
years and still no children. I had hopes of being a grandmother by now.
Daughter: I just don't know, Mom! Billy tries all the time, it's just that
I have a lot of trouble swallowing.
My friend, Ed Peterson, over at Wellsburg, Iowa, received a check
for $1,000.00 from the government for not raising hogs. So I want to
go into the "not raising hogs" business next year.
What I want to know is, in your opinion, what is the best kind of
farm not to raise hogs on and what is the best breed of hogs not to
raise? I want to be sure that I approach this endeavor in keeping
with all governmental policies. I would prefer not to raise
razorbacks, but if that is not a good breed not to raise, then I would
just as gladly not raise Yorkshires or Durocs.
As I see it, the hardest part of this program will be in keeping an
accurate inventory of how many hogs I haven't raised.
My friend, Peterson, is very joyful about the future of the
business. He has been raising hogs for twenty years or so, and the
best he ever made on them was $442.00 in 1968, until this year when he
got your check for $1,000.00 for not raising hogs.
If I get $1,000.00 for not raising 50 hogs, will I get $2,000.00 for
not raising 100 hogs? I plan to operate on a small scale at first,
holding myself down to about 4,000 hogs not raised, which will mean
about $80,000.00 the first year. Then I can afford an airplane.
Now another thing. These hogs I will not be raising will not eat
100,000 bushels of corn. I understand that you also pay farmers for
not raising corn and wheat. Will I qualify for payments for not
raising wheat and corn not to feed the 4,000 hogs I am not going to
I want to get started as soon as possible as this seems to be a good
time of the year not to raise hogs and grain.
Also, I am considering the "not milking cows" business, so send me
any information on that too.
In view of these circumstances, you understand that I will be
totally unemployed and plan to file for unemployment and food stamps.
Be assured you will have my vote in the coming election.
Q: Who makes more money, a whore or a drug pusher?
A: The whore because she can lick her crack and use it again.
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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