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Today's jokes [7.27.10]

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Q: What did the instructor at the school for Kamikaze pilots say to his
   students?
A: Watch closely. I'm only going to do this once.


1. 




Q: What do the Chinese call a 69?
šššA: Two can chew!!

2. 




One day, a Smartie and a Polo were having a drink in the pub.

Suddenly the pub door swings open and in walks a Humbug.

“Fuck me” shouts Polo, and immediately dives under the table.

“What the fuck are you doing that for?” says Smartie.

“That humbug always gives me a right good kicking whenever I see

him, so I’m hiding from him” says Polo.

“You should stand up to him” says Smartie. “He’ll respect you more

if you do”

Sure enough, the humbug walks over and gives the Polo a right slap.

“Fuck off you stripy wanker, or I’ll knock the fucking shit out of

you” says Polo.

“Hey, no problem man, can I buy you a drink” says Humbug.

“Told you so” says Smartie.

The next night Polo and Smartie are sitting in the pub again, when in

walks Humbug with his mate, Tune.

“Fuck me” shouts Polo again diving under the table.

“What the fuck are you doing that for again” says Smartie.

“I know you said stand up to bullies, but thats Tune” says Polo.

“So what?” says Smartie.

“He’s fucking menthol” says Polo.

sent by Steve Butler




3. 




How to Hunt Elephants -- Sales Style

Salespeople don't hunt elephants but spend their time
selling elephants they haven't  caught, for delivery two
days before the season opens.  Software salespeople ship the
first thing they catch and write up an invoice for an
elephant.  Hardware salespeople catch rabbits, paint them
gray and sell them as "desktop elephants."

Sent by Alex 

4. 




Two senior couples are walking along, wives in front, husbands in
back.  Herb says to Sam, "Gee, we went to a new restaurant last night
and had the best meal ever.  Good prices too."

Sam says, "Well, we like to eat out too.  What was the name of the
restaurant?"

Herb says, "You'll going to have to help me out here a little.  What's
the name of that pretty flower, smells sweet, grows on a thorny bush?"
Sam says, "How about rose?"

"Yes, yes,  that's it!" cries Herb, then calls ahead to his wife. 
"Rose.  Hey, Rose. What was the name of the restaurant we ate at last
night?"

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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