Today's jokes [7.26.10]
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A henpecked husband was advised by a psychiatrist to assert
himself. "You don't have to let your wife bully you," he said. "Go
home and show her you're the boss."
The husband decided to take the doctor's advice. He went
home, slammed the door, shook his fist in his wife's face, and
growled, "From now on you're taking orders from me. I want my
supper right now, and when you get it on the table, go upstairs
and lay out my clothes. Tonight I am going out with the boys.
You are going to stay at home where you belong. Another
thing, you know who is going to tie my bow tie?"
"I certainly do," said his wife calmly, "the undertaker."
Three men were drinking at a bar -- a doctor, an attorney
and a biker. As the doctor was drinking his white wine he said, "For
her birthday, I'm going to buy my wife a fur coat and a diamond ring.
This way, if she doesn't like the fur coat she will still love me
because she got a diamond ring."
As the attorney was drinking his martini he said, "For my wife's
birthday, I'm going to buy her a designer dress and a gold bracelet.
This way, if she doesn't like the dress she will still love me because
she got the gold bracelet."
As the biker was drinking his shots of whiskey he said, "I'm going to
buy my wife a T-shirt and a vibrator. This way, if she doesn't like
the T-shirt she can go fuck herself!"
A young girl is speaking with her father.
"Daddy, what's that between your legs?"
"That's my hedgehog."
"Wow, it's got a massive cock."
How did the Burger King get the Dairy Queen pregnant?
He forgot to wrap his whopper.
Patient: Doctor I'm having trouble having sex with my wife. When I get
close enough to her, I get nauseous. When I insert, even an inch or two, I
get sick to my stomach.
Doctor: Hmmmm, that does sound serious. Let me see it.
Patient sticks out his tongue...
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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