Today's jokes [7.24.10]

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How does Michael Jackson know its time for bed?

When the big hand is on the little hand.

A redneck calles up the White House and tells the receptionist:
"I'd like to become the next President of the United States."
The receptionist: "What are you, an idiot?"
Redneck: "Why, is it required?"

Mommy, mommy! What's a nymphomaniac?
Shut up and help me get grandma off the doorknob!

Two British faggots were standing on Circular Quay looking out over the 
harbour. One of them pointed to a ferry and asked, "Elton, what's that?"

"That's a ferry-boat, George my love," answered Elton.

"Oooh!" Squealed George, "I knew there was a lot of us, but I didn't know 
we had our own navy!"

An eminent teacher and thinker once expressed his philosophy of life 
succinctly. "When it all boiled down to the essence of truth," the 
philosopher said, "one just live by a dog’s rule of life: If you can’t eat 
it or fuck it, piss on it!!!"

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