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Today's jokes [7.23.10]

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A long-haired youth was hitchhiking through the deep South.
He got a ride from a mean-looking redneck trucker. After
riding about 30 miles in silence, the youth finally said,
"Well, aren't you going to ask me?"
"Ask you what?"
replied the trucker.
"If I'm a boy or a girl," answered the youth.
"Don't matter," replied the trucker. "Gonna fuck ya anyway."

1. 




What does a camera and a condom have in common?

They both capture that magic moment.

2. 




It seems that Abe and Morey, two salesmen for an advertising agency,
were traveling together through the midwest, when they were caught
between towns during a driving snow storm.
The further they went, the worse conditions got, and they finally
slid off into a ditch. Fortunately there was a house quite nearby.
They waded through the drifts to the house, and after a short
conversation with the lady who answered the door, they were able to
convince her that they were no danger to her, and she let them come in.
She prepared a meal for them, and during the conversation Abe and
Morey learned that she was a widow of a few years standing.
Conditions continued to deteriorate, and she prepared the guest room
for Abe and Morey.
The next day about 10:00 AM, a snowplow came through and helpfully
pulled the salesmen's car our of the ditch, after cleaning the road.
Abe and Morey thanked th widow Brown and went on their rounds.
Nine months later, Abe called Morey, and asked if Morey had, by some
chance, happened to have drifted down the hall to the wodow Brown's
bedroom after he (Abe) had gone to sleep. After a little hemming and
hawing, Morey admitted he had. With a little further prodding, he
admitted that he had given the good lady Abe's name, address and phone
number as his own.
Where upon Abe said, "That explains this letter from her lawyer saying
she has left her entire estate to me!" 

3. 




A man went to the doctor for a check up. "How do you feel?" asked the 
doctor. "Fine." he replied. After a few more general health questions the 
doctor asked, "How many times do you have sex per month?" "About two or
three." the man replied. "You should be doing better than that." the 
doctor offered. "Take these pills and come back in a month." The man did 
and a month later he was again asked by the doctor, "How many times did 
you have sex last month?" "About two or three times." the man answered 
again. "I can't understand it," the doctor continued, "you should be doing 
much better than that." "I don't know," replied the man, "that's not bad 
for having no car and a small parish."

4. 




GIRL'S CONFESSION

   The priest leaned closer to hear the girl's confession. "So me and
my cousin were alone in the house," she continued, "and went up to my
bedroom..."
   "Go on, my child," said the priest gently.
   "I lay down on the bed and Joe got on top of me and put his hand
on my....on my..."
   "Go on."
   "On my pussy," stammered the girl, blushing behind the screen.
"And touched me and touched me until I couldn't help myself."
   "Yes, go on," the priest directed.
   "I pulled down his pants and his cock popped out, stiff and tall,"
the girl went on, with a little whimper of shame, "and he began to
shove it in me so hard..."
   "Yes, yes... Go on," he urged, breathing hard.
   "And then we heard the front door slam--"
   "Oh, SHIT!!!!

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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