Today's jokes [7.22.10]

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    Three people were standing on the Titanic, An American, a
   Brit and an belgian. It was almost sinking. The captain told everyone
   to go into the liveboats. The Brit yelled "Women and children first".
   The American said "Screw the women and children" and the Belgian
   answered "Huh, do we have enough time left to do that?"

On a very cold winter night, three homeless men huddled up close
 to keep warm. In the morning, the guy on the right says, "I had a
 dream that someone was pulling on my dick."
The guy on the left says, "I also had a dream that someone was  pulling on my dick."
"The guy in the middle says, "I had a dream that I went skiing."

These two guys had just gotten divorces and they swore they 
would never have anything to do with women again.  They 
were best friends and they decided to move up to Alaska as 
far north as they could go and never look at a woman 
again.

They got up there and went into a trader's store and told 
him, "Give us enough supplies to last two men for one 
year." The trader got the gear together and on top of each 
one's supplies he laid a board with a hole in it with fur 
around the hole.  The guyssaid "What's that board for?"  
The trader said, "Well, where you're going there are no 
women and you might need this."

They said "No way! We've sworn off women for life!"  The 
trader said," Well. take the boards with you, and if you 
don't use themI'll refund your money next year.  "Okay," 
they said and left.

Next year this guy came into the trader's store and said 
"Give me enough supplies to last one man for one year."  
The trader said, "Weren't you in here last year with a 
partner?"

"Yeah" said the guy.

"Where is he?" asked the trader.

"I shot him" said the guy.

"Why?"

"I caught him in bed with my board."

What do you get when you cross a rooster and a telephone pole? 

     A 40ft cock that wants to reach out and touch someone. 

How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart?

When she starts her sentence with , "A man once told me... "

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