Today's jokes [7.21.10]

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Hillary Clinton, Chelsea Clinton, and Bill Clinton are sitting in a
helicopter and Bill starts to think. He sits there for about 15 minutes
and finally Hillary asks why he is looking so sad.
He says, "I just was wondering what I could do for the poor countries."
"Well " says Chelsea, "you could throw $100,000 out the window of the
helicopter. I'm sure that the poor will get some of it."
He agrees that it's a good idea and he does.
About 5 minutes later he starts thinking again.
Hillary asks "Why do you still look so sad? You just threw $100,000 out
the window of the helicopter. That helped a lot of poor people."
He says "I still feel like I didn't do enough."
She says "Well, Bill, why don't you throw another $100,000 out the
window? That should make a lot of people happy."
Again he says it's a good idea and he does.
A few moments later and again he looks unhappy and he says "I still
don't think I've done enough."
This time the helicopter pilot pipes up and says "Why don't you throw
yourself out the goddamn window...that will make everyone in America happy."

   Warning - English Joke!
   
   UK-US Translation Guide:
   "Aussie" = Australian
   "Shag" = To have sex with
   
   An Aussie was marooned on a desert island. His only companions were a
   male dog and a female koala. The dog and koala hit it off, and for a
   year the Aussie could only sit and watch while the dog humped the
   koala senseless.
   
   "Lucky bastard!" thought the Aussie, "I could do with a good shag
   myself. "
   
   One day a beautiful naked blonde was washed up on the beach.
   
   "Hi. I'll do anything you want me to," she said to the Aussie.
   
   "Great!!! At last, after all this time!!! Take the dog for a walk,
   love, while I shag this koala."
   

Two story house

A man appears before a judge one day, asking for a divorce.
The judge quietly reviews some papers and then says,
"Please tell me why you are seeking a divorce."

"Because," the man says,"I live in a two-story house."

The Judge replies, "What kind of a reason is that?
What is the big deal about a two-story house?"

The man answers, "Well Judge, one story is 'I have a headache' 
and the other story is 'It's that time of the month.'

   Childhood Diseases
   Two newlyweds went on their honeymoon and were getting undressed
   together for the first
   time. He took off his shoes and socks and his toes were all twisted
   and discolored. "What
   happened to you feet?" his wife asked. "I had a childhood disease
   called tolio." "Don't you
   mean polio?" "No, tolio, it only affects the toes." He then removed
   his pants and revealed
   an awful looking pair of knees. "What happened to your knees?" she
   asked. "Well, I also
   had kneesles." "Don't you mean measles?" "No, kneesles, it only
   affects the knees." When
   he removed his shorts his wife gasped and said, "Don't tell me, you
   also had smallcox!"
   

You know why a dog licks his ass?

Because he knows in five minutes he'll be licking your face.

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