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Today's jokes [7.19.10]

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Did you here what Monica Lewinskys' mother said when she brought home her
dress?
What,doesn't the White House have any club soda?

1. 




Father O'Grady was saying his goodbyes to the parishioners
after his Sunday morning service as he always does when
Mary Clancey came up to him in tears.
"What's bothering you so, dear?" inquired Farther O'Grady.
"Oh, father, I've got terrible news." Replied Mary.
"Well what is it, Mary?"
"Well, my husband, passed away last night, Father."
"Oh, Mary" said the father, "that's terrible. Tell me Mary,
did he have any last requests?"
"Well, yes he did father," replied Mary.
"What did he ask, Mary?"
Mary replied, "He said, 'Please, Mary, put down the gun...'" 

2. 




Miles Dobson was away from home on business in another city. When he 
called home, his wife told him, "Miles, they had your name in the obits 
today."
"What! In the obituary column! That's not only disgraceful but bad 
journalism. I'll sue 'em."
"Tell me, Miles," his wife asked tremulously, "wh...wh...where are you 
calling from?" 

3. 




Q: What's the most active muscle in a woman?
A: The penis.

4. 




A guy meets a girl out at a nightclub and she invites him back to her 
place for the night. Her parents are out of town and this is the perfect 
opportunity. 
They get back to her house and they go into her bedroom. When the guy 
walks in the door, he notices all these fluffy toys. There's hundreds of 
them, fluffy toys on top of the wardrobe, fluffy toys on the bookshelf and 
window sill, there's more on the floor, and of course fluffy toys all over 
the bed. 
Later after they've had sex, he turns to her and asks "So, how was I?" 
She says "Well ... you can take anything from the bottom shelf."

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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