Today's jokes [6.8.10]
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A man came storming out of the courthouse ranting and raving; obviously
really angry . He stomped accross the street and into the bar and flounced
down on a stool muttering, "Asshole attorneys".
The man next to him recoiled in outrage saying "I want you to know I
highly resent that remark".
"Why, are you an attorney?"
"No, I'm an asshole."
Q: How can you tell if a man is sexually excited?
A: He's breathing.
A man walks into a bar and orders two drinks. As the
bartender watches he drinks one drink and pours the other
one on his hand. He orders two more drinks and does the
same thing. The third time the bartender asks him what's
going on. "Why are you pouring that drink on your hand"? The
man smiles at him, winks and says "I'm trying to get my date
Little Johnny had become a real nuisance while his father tried
to concentrate on his Saturday afternoon poker game with
friends and relatives. His father tried every way possible to get
Johnny to occupy himself...television, ice cream, homework,
video games...but the youngster insisted on running back and
forth behind the players and calling out the cards they held.
The other players became so annoyed that they threatened to
quit the game and all go home. At this point, the boy's uncle
stood up, took Johnny by the hand, and led him out of the
room. The uncle soon returned back to the poker table without
Johnny, and without comment the game resumed.
For the rest of the afternoon, little Johnny was nowhere to be
seen and the card players continued without any further
After the poker game ended, the father asked Johnny's uncle,
"What in the world did you say to Johnny? I haven't heard a
peep from him all day!"
"Not much," the boy's uncle replied. "I just showed him how to
Aspirin makes a great contraceptive. Jhold it between your knees.
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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