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Today's jokes [6.6.10]

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This man goes into the doctor with his ringhole in a terrible state,
really bad now.
Doctor: "What happened to you?"
He says: "I was in Africa on safari and I got raped by an elephant!"
Doctor: "But I don't understand. Elephant penises are very narrow and
couldn't cause that much damage!"
He says "Aah but you see doctor, he fingered me first!"

1. 




What's blue and sings alone?

     - Dan Ackroyd. 

2. 




A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, "Father,
I have a problem. I have two female parrots but they only know
how to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquired. 
"They say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some
fun?" "That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, "I can see why you
are embarrassed." He thought a minute and then said, "You know,
I may have a solution to this problem. I have two male parrots
whom I have taught to pray and read the Bible.

Bring your two parrots over to my house and we will put them in
the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots
to praise and worship. I'm sure your parrots will stop saying
that...that phrase in no time." "Thank you," the woman
responded, "this may very well be the solution." 

The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's
house. As he ushered her in, she saw this two male parrots were
inside their cage, hold their rosary beads and praying. 
Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them. 
After just a couple of seconds, the female parrots exclaimed out
in unison, "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some
fun?"

There was a stunned silence. Finally, one male parrot looked
over at the other male parrot and said, "Put the beads away,
Francis, our prayers have been answered!"

3. 




When I was in jr. high, all I wanted was a girl with big breasts...


In high school, I dated a girl with big breasts, but there was no 
passion.. 
So I decided I needed a passionate girl.. 


In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional.. 
Everything was an emergency, she cried all the time. So I decided I 
needed a girl with some stability.. 
 
I found a very stable girl, but she was boring. She never got excited 
about anything. So I decided I needed a girl with some excitement.. 


I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed 
from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She was
directionless. 
So I decided to find a girl with some ambition.. 
 
After college, I found an ambitious girl and married her. She was so 
ambitious, she divorced me and took everything I owned.. 


Now all I want is a girl with big breasts..

4. 




An infamous stud with a long list of conquests walked into his 
neighborhood bar and ordered a drink. The bartender thought he
looked worried and asked him if anything was wrong. "I'm scared
out of my mind," the stud replied. "Some pissed-off husband
wrote to me and said he'd kill me if I didn't stop fucking his
wife." "So stop," the barkeep said. "I can't," the womanizer
replied, taking a long swill. "The prick didn't sign his name!"

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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