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Today's jokes [6.4.10]

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   There was a married couple who were in a terrible accident. The
   woman's face was burned severely. The doctor told the husband they
   couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was so skinny.
   
   The husband then donated some of his skin..... however, the only place
   suitable to the doctor was from his buttocks.
   
   The husband requested that no one be told of this, because after all
   this was a very delicate matter!
   
   After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's
   new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever did before! All
   her friends and relatives just raved about her youthful beauty!
   
   She was alone with her husband one day and she wanted to thank him for
   what he had done. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for
   everything you did for me! There is no way I could ever repay you!!!"
   
   He replied, "Oh don't worry, Honey, I get plenty thanks enough every
   time your mother comes over and kisses you on your cheek!!"
   


1. 




Two old friends are having coffee when the first woman says,
"I hear that you've been telling people that I'm ugly!"
"Oh NO! I've just been saying that your new hairdo makes you
look less attractive."
"I also heard that you've been calling me fat?!?"
"Oh NO! I just said that the way you wear those stripes
makes you look larger than you really are."
"I've also heard that you're saying that my husband has a wart
on his dick!"
"Oh NO! I only said that it feels like he has a wart on his dick!"

2. 




    Q: What is the difference between a single 40-year-old
   woman and a single 40-year-old man? A: The 40-year-old woman thinks
   often of having children and the man thinks often about dating them.


3. 




How can ya tell when a woman has fucked too much?
Ya put yer thumb in her ass, AND yer middle-finger in her cunt...
Now, if ya can SNAP yer fingers, ya know she's been fucking too much..

4. 




A funeral service is being held in a church for a woman 
who has just passed away.  At the end of the service, the 
pall-bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally 
bump into a wall, jarring the casket.  They hear a faint moan.
They open the casket and find that the woman is actually 
still alive.  She lives for ten more years and then dies.
A ceremony is again held at the same church and at the 
end of the ceremony, the pall bearers are again carrying out
the casket.  As they are walking, the husband cries out, 
"WATCH OUT FOR THAT WALL!"

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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