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Today's jokes [6.29.10]

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   One day, little Billy comes home from kindergarten for lunch. Not
   finding his mother in the
   kitchen, or the living room, he heads upstairs to check her bedroom.
   He opens the door,
   and what does he see, but his father, who had also come home for
   lunch, stripped naked,
   on top of his mother, also naked, heavily into the act of lovemaking.
   Not wanting to
   traumatize the boy, the parents continue as if nothing was wrong.
   Billy watches, and after a
   couple of minutes asks,"Daddy, can I climb on and have a horsie ride?"
   "Of course, Son,
   we're a family." So Billy climbs on and after a few more minutes his
   mother starts
   moaning and writhing wildly. "Hang on Dad!", cries Billy, "this is
   where me and the
   mailman usually falls off!"
   


1. 




The South Takes a Cue from Oakland 



Everyone is familiar with the plan to teach Ebonics in such leftist enclaves as California and
Massachusetts. "Ebonics," a neologism created by combining "Ebony" and "phonics," is supposed 
to be the language of the untermenschen, the urban underclass.

Here in the South, we have a similar movement, called "Bubbonics!" Created from mixing "Bubba"
and "phonics," we too have an entirely separate language from English. Like Ebonics, Bubbonics 
has a slightly different alphabet and different pronunciations from standard English. For 
example, the English language includes the letter "L" although Bubbonics does not. Likewise, 
vowel pronunciation in Bubbonics is different from English pronunciation.

Take, for example, the following sentences in English, and their translation into Bubbonics:

Can I help you?
Kin ah hip ewe?

Hi, I'm Don Fowler.
Hah, ahm Dahn Fah-wah.

The discerning English speaker quickly notices that Bubbonics has fewer vowel sounds than 
English, and the primary vowel sound is "ah." The letters A and E are generally replaced with 
the sound of a short i.

For the advanced scholar, there are actually many interesting comparisons between Ebonics and
Bubbonics. Indeed, there have even been suggestions that Ebonics is actually a degraded form 
of Bubbonics, which is itself a degraded form of English. Consider the following statement in
Bubbonics and their counterparts in Ebonics:

Ah axed ewe a quest-shun.
I axed you a question, sukka.

Ah be smaht.
I be smarts now.

Hooked ahn Bahbahnics wukks fuh me.
Hooked on 'bonics be wukking fo me.

If you're a native English speaker, and you can read the writing on the wall, then you know 
that your native tongue is soon to be as dead as Latin, spoken only in weird rituals or taught 
to kids in prep school.

And if you're a native English speaker and you CAN'T read the writing on the wall, it's 
probably already in Bubbonics or Ebonics, and you're just that far behind.

Gracefully surrender the things of your youth. Clean air. Tuna. Taiwan. The English language. 
And remember: Bilingual Education means teaching kids to be illiterate in two languages.

2. 




Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911
operator told Bubba that she would send someone out
right away.
"Where do you live?" asked the operator.
Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."
The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?"
There was a long pause and finally Bubba said,
"How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you
pick her up there?"

3. 




Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. Then 
when you do criticize that person, you'll be a mile away and 
have his shoes.

4. 




If Thinking Machines made toasters...
You would be able to toast 64,000 thousand pieces of bread at the same time.

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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