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Today's jokes [6.22.10]

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Q. What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree ?
A. Hold on to your nuts, this is going to be a hell of a blowjob !


1. 




A stuffy matron is with a new man in a top restaurant. The onion soup gets
to her, and as the waiter is serving the main dishes she lets loose a
bombastic fart. Trying to save face, she says to the waiter:
"Sir! Please stop that immediately."
"Certainly, madame," replies the waiter with a bow, "which way was it 
headed?"

2. 




A young boy, about eight years old, walks into the local
grocery store and picks our a huge box of laundry detergent.
The grocer walked over, and trying to be friendly,
asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.
"Nope, no laundry," the boy said, "I'm going to wash my dog!"
"But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's very
powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick.
In fact, it might even kill him."
But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent
to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still
tried to talk him out of washing his dog.

About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some
candy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing.
"Oh, he died," the boy said sadly.
The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was
sorry the dog died but added, "I tried to tell you not to use
that detergent on your dog!"
"Well," the boy replied, "I don't think it was the detergent
that killed him."
"Oh? What was it then?"
"I think it was the spin cycle!"

3. 




DRINKING SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with ceiling tiles and fluorescent 
light strip across it. 
FAULT: You have fallen over backward. 
ACTION: If your glass is full and no one is standing on your drinking arm, 
stay put. If not, get someone to help you get up; latch self to bar. 
  
SYMPTOM: Everything has gone dim, mouth full of cigarette butts. 
FAULT: You have fallen forward. 
ACTION: See above. 

4. 




As a sergeant in a parachute regiment I took part in serveral night time
excersises. Once, I was seated next to a Lieutenant fresh from Jump 
School. He was quiet sad looked a bit pale so I struck up a conversation.
"Scared, Lieutenant?", I asked.
He replied, "No, just a bit apperhensive."
I asked, "What's the diffrence??"
He replied, "That means I'm scared with a university education."

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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