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Today's jokes [6.16.10]

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A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because 
he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a priest and 
asks for his opinion on this question.

After consulting the Bible, the priest says, " My son, after an 
exhaustive search, I am positive that sex is work and is 
therefore not permitted on Sundays."

The man thinks: " What does a priest know about sex?" So he 
goes to a minister, who after all is a married man and 
experienced in this matter. 

He queries the minister and receives the same reply. Sex is 
work and therefore not for the Sabbath!

Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out the ultimate authority: 
a man of thousands of years tradition and knowledge. In other 
words, he goes to a rabbi. The Rabbi ponders the question, 
then states, " My son, sex is definitely play."

The man replies, "Rabbi, how can you be so sure when so 
many others tell me sex is work?"

The Rabbi softly speaks, "If sex were work, my wife would have 
the maid do it."

1. 




Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson are hiking. They hiked all day long and
then, having gotten tired, unpacked and quickly retired.

Holmes wakes up deep into the night, wakes Watson and says "Watson, do you
see the bright stars and do you notice how clear the sky is? What can you
deduce from it?"

Watson yawns and tries to play the game. "Well, this clearly tells us the
weather tomorrow is going to be dry and sunny."

"No, my friend. It's much simpler than that. Someone has stolen our tent."

2. 




Men are like...

Men are like animals: messy, insensitive and
potentially violent, but they make great pets. 

3. 




A little old lady sits at the luncheonette counter and orders a
hamburger.
The huge guy behind the counter bellows, "ONE BURGER!"
The cook, who's even bigger, screams, "BUR-GER!"
Whereupon he grabs a huge hunk of chopped meat, stuffs it in
his bare armpit, pumps his arm a few times to squeeze it flat,
and tosses it on the grill.
The old lady says, "That's the most disgusting thing I've ever
seen!"
The counterman says, "Yeah? You should be here in the
morning when he makes the doughnuts!"and orders a
hamburger.
The huge guy behind the counter bellows, "ONE BURGER!"
The cook, who's even bigger, screams, "BUR-GER!"
Whereupon he grabs a huge hunk of chopped meat, stuffs it in
his bare armpit, pumps his arm a few times to squeeze it flat,
and tosses it on the grill.
The old lady says, "That's the most disgusting thing I've ever
seen!"
The counterman says, "Yeah? You should be here in the
morning when he makes the doughnuts!"

4. 




A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for
their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on
that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked
the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in
front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck
your brains out, and suck your tits dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you
thinking now?"
He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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