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Today's jokes [5.7.10]

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Why did the Avon lady walk funny? 

     Her lipstick. 

1. 




Q: What is a blonde who died her hair brown?
A: Artificial Intelligence.


2. 




   A girl goes to the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her
   blouse, he notices a red "H" on her chest.
   
   "How did you get that mark on your chest?", asks the doctor.
   
   "Oh my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it that he never
   takes off his sweatshirt, even when we make love", she replies.
   
   A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she
   takes off her blouse, he notices a blue "Y" on her chest.
   
   "How did you get that mark on your chest?", asks the doctor.
   
   "Oh my boyfriend went to Yale and he's so proud of it that he never
   takes off his sweatshirt, even when we make love", she replies.
   
   A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she
   takes off her blouse, he notices a green "M" on her chest.
   
   "Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?" asks the doctor.
   
   She replies, "No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin, why do you
   ask?"
   


3. 




Little Johnny tried out for the school play. The teacher gave him these 
lines to practice:

"Hark! A pistol shot! There lies a lady with hope in her soul. I think 
I'll snatch a kiss and run into the forest. By William Shakespeare."

Little Johnny practiced and practiced and did the lines perfectly every 
time. The night of the play it was his turn to speak. This is what he said:

"Hark! A pigeon shit! There lies a lady with soap in her hole. I think 
I'll kiss her snatch and run into the forest. By William Snakeshit... 
Horseshit... Oh, shit! I didn't want to be in this damn play anyway!"

4. 




Richard Olivier, the son of Sir Laurence Olivier and Joan Plowright
was only a little boy when, on the front at Brighton, he was
confronted by the sight of two dogs mating. The lad turned to Noel
Coward, who was the Olivier's house guest, and said, "What are they
doing, Uncle Noel?"
"The one in front is blind." said Coward unpeturbed, "and the one
behind is being very very sweet and pushing him all the way to
St. Dunstan's." 

5. 



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