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Today's jokes [5.6.10]

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At a jury trial with the jury consisting of 8 men and 4 women:

Defendant: "Your Honor, I wish to change my plea."

Judge: "Is someone using undue influence to prompt you to 
change your mind?"

Defendant: "No sir, when I pleaded Not Guilty I didn't know 
there would be women on the jury. Since I can't even fool my 
wife, I'll never be able to fool the four women jurors."

1. 




The aged patient doddered into the doctor's office with a serious complaint.
"Doc, you've got to do something to lower my sex drive."
"Come on now Mr Peters," the doctor said, "your sex drives all in your head."
"Thats what I mean, you've got to lower it a little." 

2. 




Two car salesmen were sitting at the bar. One complained to the other, 
"Boy, business sucks. If I don't sell more cars this month, I'm going to 
lose my fucking arse."
Too late he noticed a beautiful blonde sitting two stools away. 
Immediately, he apologized for his bad language.
"That's okay," the blonde replied,
"If I don't sell more arse this month, I'm going to lose my fucking car."

3. 




A Packer fan was enjoying himself at the game in a packed Lambeau Field,
until he noticed an empty seat down in front. He went down and asked the
guy next to it if he knew whose seat it was. The guy said, "Yes, that's
my wife's seat. We have never missed a game since the Lombardi days, but
now my wife is dead." The fan offered his sympathy and said it was really
too bad he couldn't find some relative to give the ticket to so they could
enjoy the game together... "Oh no," the guy said, "they're all at the funeral." 

4. 




Armando went to his neighbor and asked, "Hey Carlos, do you 
like a woman who has a beeg stomach steeking oll the way 
out?" 

"No," says Carlos. 
Armando asks, "Do you like a woman whose teets hang 
almost to her knees?" 

"No," says Carlos. 

"Well, Carlos, would you like a woman whose heeps are so 
mucho grande?" 

"Caramba! No, amigo!" Carlos replied. 

"Theen tell me why," asked Armando, "do you keep screwing 
my wife?"

5. 



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