Today's jokes [5.24.10]
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A WOMAN'S SCHEDULE
1. Get up.
3. Drink raspberry-cranberry tea.
5. Apply makeup. Pee first so you don't have to stop in the
6. Drive to work. Pee at gas station. Complain about dirty
restroom. Go to a different gas station and pee there.
7. Get to work at Burger King. Pee. Wash hands.
8. Lunch. Slimfast. Pee.
9. Arrive home. Pee. Shower. Pee.
10. Promise sex to husband. Pee. Get up in the middle of sex
11. Pee. Go to bed. Get up at 3 A.M. waking husband but
instead of giving him head, go and pee.
A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when
the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that
are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole,
because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by
the regular culling of the weakest members. In much the same way the human
brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive
intake of alcohol, we all know, kills off brain cells, but naturally it
attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular
consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, constantly making
the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
My girlfriend told me to give her 12 inches and make it
So I Fucked her 3 times and then hit her with a baseball bat.
A rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy: "So your mother says
your prayers for you each night? Very commendable. What does she
The little boy replied, "Thank God he's in bed!"
What do you get when you cross a lawyer and a pig?
Nothing, there's some things even a pig won't do!
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