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Today's jokes [5.20.10]

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The doctor looked at the woman who had come to him for an examination. 

"Mrs. Brown, I have some good news for you." 

The woman said, "I'm glad to hear that doctor, but I'm Miss Brown, not 
Mrs." 

"Oh. Well, in that case Miss Brown," said the doctor without changing 
expression, "I have some bad news for you."

1. 




During an auction of exotic pets, a woman who had placed
a winning bid told the auctioneer, "I'm paying a fortune
for that parrot. I hope he talks as well as you say he
does."
"I guarantee it, madam," replied the auctioneer. "Who do
you think was bidding against you?"

2. 




What is the definition of Agony?

A one-armed man hanging off a cliff with itchy balls.

3. 




   This woman is driving into a small town and slams on the brakes as a
   coyote runs across the road in front of her. Just as she regains her
   wits and gets ready to proceed, a cowboy runs right in front of her
   and catches the coyote by the hind legs and starts screwing it. "Oh my
   God!" she exclaims and drives into town to find the local law.
   
   She sees the local sheriff's car parked in front of the town bar. "It
   figures," she says as she storms inside. The first thing she notices
   is an old, old man with a long white beard sitting in the corner
   jacking-off. She runs up to the sheriff who's sitting at the bar with
   his drink.
   
   "What kind of sick town are you running here?! I drive into town and
   almost run over some cowboy sodomizing an animal....and then...I come
   in here....and see this old man in the corner jacking-off right in
   public!!!!??"
   
   "Well, ma'am," the sheriff slowly replies, "you don't expect him to
   catch a coyote at his age, do ya?"
   


4. 




Johnny is walking along and a priest is coming the other way. Johnny says, 
"Hey, mister, why are you wearing your collar backwards?"
The priest says, "Because I'm a father."
Johnny says, "Yeah? Well, my old man's got three kids and he don't wear 
his collar backwards."
The priest says "You don't understand, son. I have thousands of children." 
Johnny says, "You should wear your fuckin' trousers backwards." 


5. 



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