Today's jokes [5.2.10]
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THE LAND OF OZ
Dan Quayle, Newt Gingrich, and Bill Clinton are traveling in a car
together in the Midwest, when suddenly a tornado comes along and
whirls them up into the air and tosses them thousands of yards away.
When they come down and pull themselves from the vehicle, they realize
they're in the land of OZ. Naturally, they decide to go to see the
Wizard of OZ.
Says Quayle, "I'm going to ask the Wizard for a brain." Says Gingrich,
"I'm going to ask the Wizard for a heart." Clinton says, "Where's
What do you get when you cross Holy Water with castor oil?
A religious movement!
There is a man who has three girlfriends, but he does not know which
one to marry. So he decides to give each one $5000 and see how each of
them spends it.
The first one goes out and gets a total makeover with the money. She
gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and
tells the man, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you
because I love you so much."
The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a
television, and a stereo and gives them to the man. She says, "I
bought these gifts for you with the money because I love you so much."
The third one takes the $5000 and invests it in the stock market,
doubles her investment, returns the $5000 to the man and reinvests the
rest. She says, "I am investing the rest of the money for our future
because I love you so much."
The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the
money, and decided to marry the one with the biggest breasts.
Why wasn't Jesus born in West Virginia?
Well God found plenty of guys who liked
to deal with sheep, but he could'nt
find three wise men or a virgin.
Sent by Johnny
One day a teacher was teaching religion, when she asked the class
"What part of your body do you think goes up to heaven first?"
Two children rose their hand. One was little Johnny. Hesitant to
pick on him she chose little Mary.
"I think your heart goes first because, that's were your emotions
of love are."
"Very interesting." replied the teacher. Seeing no one else had
their hand raised but Johnny, she finally called on him.
"I think your feet go up first."
Confused but relieved the teacher said, "Why is that?"
Johnny replied, "Once when I walked in my parents room I saw my
dad on my mom, and she had her feet in the air saying "Oh God!"
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