Today's jokes [5.19.10]
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Laboratory Rabbit Freedom
A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he
had been born and
brought up. As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he
felt grass under his
little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life.
'Wow, this is great,' he
thought. It wasn't long before he came to a hedge and, after squeezing
under it he saw a
wonderful sight lots of other bunny rabbits, all free and nibbling at
the lush grass.
'Hey,' he called. 'I'm a rabbit from the laboratory and I've just
escaped. Are you wild
'Yes. Come and join us,' they cried.
Our friend hopped over to them and started eating the grass. It tasted
so good. 'What else
do you wild rabbits do?' he asked.
'Well,' one of them said. 'You see that field there? It's got carrots
growing in it. We dig
them up and eat them.'
This, he couldn't resist and he spent the next hour eating the most
succulent carrots. They
Later, he asked them again, 'What else do you do?'
'You see that field there? It's got lettuce growing in it. We eat them
The lettuce tasted just as good and he returned a while later
completely full. 'Is there
anything else you guys do?' he asked.
One of the other rabbits came a bit closer to him and spoke softly.
'There's one other thing
you must try. You see those rabbits there,' he said, pointing to the
far corner of the field.
'They're girls. We poke them. Go and try it.'
Well, our friend spent the rest of the morning screwing his little
heart out until, completely
knackered, he staggered back over to the guys.
'That was fantastic,' he panted.
'So are you going to live with us then?' one of them asked.
'I'm sorry, I had a great time but I can't.'
The wild rabbits all stared at him, a bit surprised. 'Why? We thought
you liked it here.'
'I do,' our friend replied. 'But I must get back to the laboratory.
I'm dying for a cigarette.'
Back in the turn of the century in a mining town out west,
a woman walked into a saloon. Suddenly she realised that
she was not in the general store so she started to turn
around and leave. As she was doing this, a drunk cowboy
seated at the bar noticed her and said to the woman, "Come
on over, Ma'am, sit yerself down right here next to me and
have yerself a drink.
"Thank you kindly Sir, but I'm afraid that I couldn't,"
replied the woman, "on account that I need to get bread."
The cowboy replied, "Uh, Ma'am, I do reckon you came to the
right place for that!"
I know I haven't known you very long and I shouldn't be asking you for
this so soon, but I really need it badly. I haven't had it for a while
and I can already feel it going in good and hard and coming out nice and
soft. If you would do this for me no one would ever know. I am sure you
can satisfy my needs and I'd be very grateful if you would. I am very
desperate and I need your help. You must think by now that I have a lot
of nerve but I can feel my tongue wrapping around it and sucking out all
the juices until it's very dry. I am not going to beat around the bush
any longer so...
Do you have a piece of gum?
Whats the definition of a perfect woman ?
a) Three feet tall with a round hole for a mouth and a flat head
so that you can put a pint of beer on it.
b) The sports model has pullback ears and her teeth fold in.
c) The economy model fucks all night and at midnight turn into a
roastbeef sandwich and a sixpack.
A farmer comes home with a lively young bull. His two old bulls
have fallen on sad days. He's letting them hang around for old
times' sake. The minute the new bull is put into the pasture,
he starts servicing the cows. At about the fourth cow, one of
the old bulls starts to paw the ground and snort. The other asks,
"Why are you doing that?"
The old bull answers, "I don't want him to think I'm one of these cows!"
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