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Today's jokes [5.16.10]

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Two men went to the desert for a vacation. They rented a camel and headed 
out. Five days later they came back but without the camel. The man who had 
rented them the camel was very upset and screamed, "Where is my camel?" 
They replied, "Well, we were riding along when we kept hearing people say, 
'Look at the two assholes on that camel!' So finally we got off to take a 
look and the damn camel ran away!" 

1. 




A police officer arrives at an accident scene where
apparently three blondes have leaped to their death
from a very tall building... he suddenly notices that
one is still breathing so he approaches her and asks:
"why the hell did you three beautiful girls leap out
of that building?"
The blond answers in a very weak voice: "we wanted to
try out our new maxi-pads with wings"...

2. 




   I know a husband and wife who have separate bedrooms, drive different
   cars, take separate vacations, work different shifts, have their own
   computers, and even have their own ISPs, separate e-mail addresses and
   Home Pages. They say they're doing everything they can to keep their
   marriage together.


3. 




A Rabbi and a Priest were sitting together on a train, and the Rabbi
leans over and asks, "So how high can you advance in your organization?"

The Priest says "If I am lucky, I guess I could become a Bishop."

"Well, could you get any higher than that?" asks the Rabbi.

"I suppose that if my works are seen in a very good light that I might
be made an ArchBishop" said the Priest a bit cautiously.

"Is there any way that you might go higher than that?"

"If all the Saints should smile, I guess I could be made a Cardinal"

"Could you be anything higher than a Cardinal?" probed the Rabbi.

Hesitating a little bit, the Priest said "I supose that I could be
elected Pope, but..."

So the Rabbi says "And could you be anything higher than that?,
is there any way to go up from being the Pope?"

"What!!! I should be the Messiah himself!?!"

The Rabbi leaned back and said "One of our boys made it." 

4. 




A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to
Austin to claim it where the man verifies his ticket number. 
    The Redneck says "I want my $20 million."
To which the man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way.
We give you a million today, and then you'll get the rest
spread out for the next 19 years." 
    The Redneck said, "Oh, no. I want all my money RIGHT
now! I won it, and I want it." 
    Again the man patiently explains that he would only get a
million that day and the rest during the next 19 years. 
    The Redneck, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I
WANT MY MONEY!! If you're not going to give me my $20
million "right now," THEN I WANT MY DOLLAR BACK!!

5. 



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