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Today's jokes [5.14.10]

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Father Goose Story No. 6

Two guys were stranded on a desert island.
The only way they could get food was to kill
sea birds by throwing rocks at them.
By the time they were rescued,
 ...  They had left no tern unstoned.

1. 




A man goes to his doctor for his annual physical complaining of all kinds of mysterious ailments -- lack of sleep, no drive, very
little appetite, nervous, etc. After a complete exam, the doctor can find nothing physically wrong and suspects the man is
suffering from depression. The two had been friends for many years, so the doctor did not hesitate to ask the man about his
personal life.

"Well, if you must know," said the patient, "I cannot stand my wife. She's made my life unbearable. I fantasize all
the time about killing that damn witch. In fact, if you are truly my friend, you'll give me some kind of untraceable
poison to give her, so I may end my misery."

The doctor explained that not only was that illegal, it would in fact, violate his oath to save lives. He said, "Besides, you'll get
life in prison yourself, at best. I'll tell ya what though, I can give you this powerful aphrodisiac to slip into her
coffee. You can then 'love her to death'. No jury in the world is going to convict a man for loving his wife too
much. She'll be gone in a month at best."

The man blessed the doctor, went home and started putting the love elixir in his wife's coffee the very next morning. Three
weeks later, the doctor hasn't heard a word from his friend, and becomes concerned. After office hours, he stops by his friend's
house to see if all is well. He finds his friend sitting on the sun deck, wrapped in a blanket, even though it's a warm Spring day.
The man's face was gaunt and pale, he'd lost Lord knows how much weight,and looked terrible. The doctor asked, "What
the Hell happened ???"

The man said, "I followed your advice to the letter. That woman and I made love like a pair of crazed rabbits, day
and nite." Then, he chuckled, causing a terrible wheeze. Just then the wife appeared from inside the house. All slim and trim
and dressed in tennis clothes; smiling, she said she was off for a few sets of tennis. As she leaped into her new sports car, her
husband cackled and said to the doctor, "Look at that dumb crazy bitch. She hasn't a lick of sense. If she only knew
she has less than a week to live she wouldn't be so God damn frisky." 

2. 




Men come in three sizes: 

    Small, medium, and Oh My God!!! 

3. 




Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and 
a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban 
neighborhood. They parked their truck the end of the alley and 
worked their way to the other end. 

At the last house a woman looking out her kitchen window 
watched the two men as they checked her gas meter.

Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his 
younger coworker to a foot race down the alley back to the 
truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one.

As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady 
from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. 
They stopped and asked her what was wrong.

Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I see two gas men 
running as hard as you two were, I figured I'd better run too!"

4. 




My mother-in-law was bitten by a dog yesterday.

       How is she now ?
       She's fine. But, the dog died. 

5. 



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