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Today's jokes [5.12.10]

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A pizza was waiting in the stomach to be digested,
then suddenly a whiskey came along. Pizza thought:"Ok.
I'll let him pass, there's no hurry. Two minutes later
another whiskey comes by and pizza let him pass too, but
two minutes later when the next one got there, pizza stoped
him:"What's going on out there?" it asked. "Why, there's a
party going on!! It's great! They're having the most fun!!"
the whiskey replied.
And pizza said: "Great, I'll go check it out!"

1. 




These two country boys, brothers, were knocking around one 
lazy summer day and thought it would be a good prank to push 
over the outhouse. They crept up from an advantageous 
direction like a couple of commandos, pushed the outhouse 
over on one side and headed for the woods. They circled round 
and returned home an hour later from a completely different 
direction thus, trying to divert suspicion from themselves.
Upon returning, their father approached them with switch in 
hand and bellowed, "Did you two push the outhouse over this 
afternoon?"
The older boy replied, "As learned in school, I cannot tell a lie. 
Yes, Father, we pushed over the outhouse this afternoon."
At this revalation, the farmer proceeded to flail the two boys 
severely and sent them to bed without supper.
In the morning, the two boys meekly approached the brekfast 
table and took their seats. Everything was quiet until their 
father finally said, "Have you two learned your lesson?"
"Sure, Dad!" said the big brother, "But, in school we learned 
that George Washington admitted to HIS father that he'd 
chopped down a cherry tree and he was forgiven because he 
told the truth."
"Ah yes!' said the farmer, "BUT, George's DAD, wasn't in the 
cherry tree when he chopped it down!!!" 



2. 




Tombstone Epitaph In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:

Here lies an Atheist
All dressed up
And no place to go.



3. 




A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice: "Stop! Stand 
still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and 
kill you."
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was 
astonished. He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road.
Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more
step a car will run over you and you will die."
The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the 
corner, barely missing him.
"Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"
"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.
"Oh yeah?" the man asked..."And where were you when I got married?"

4. 




During a recent publicity outing, Hillary sneaked off to visit a
fortune teller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room,
peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news.

"There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt: Prepare
yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and
horrible death this year."

Visibly shaken, Hillary stared at the woman's lined face, then at
the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a
few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She
met the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked her
question:

"Will I be acquitted?"

5. 



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