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Today's poems [4.25.10]

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There once was a girl named Miss Nokes, 
Who showed her behind to the folks. 
Everyone cheered, 
And a vendor appeared 
Selling hotdogs and popcorn and Cokes. 

1. 




A parson who lived near Cremorne 
               Looked down on all women with scorn. 
                    E'en a boy's white, fat bum 
                    Could not make him come, 
               But an old man's piles gave him the horn. 

2. 




There was a young lady from Wheeling
Who professed to no sexual feeling
Till a cynic named Boris
Just touched her clitoris
And she had to be scraped off the ceiling

3. 




Oh, that supple young man of Montrose 
               Who tickled his tail with his toes! 
                    His landlady said, 
                    As she made up his bed, 
               "My God! How that man blows his nose!" 

4. 




The Night Before Finals


 Twas the night before finals,
 And all through the college,
 The students were praying
 For last minute knowledge.

 Most were quite sleepy,
 But none touched their beds,
 While visions of essays
 danced in their heads.

 Out in the taverns,
 A few were still drinking,
 And hoping that liquor
 would loosen up their thinking.

 In my own apartment,
 I had been pacing,
 And dreading exams
 I soon would be facing.

 My roommate was speechless,
 His nose in his books,
 And my comments to him
 Drew unfriendly looks.

 I drained all the coffee,
 And brewed a new pot,
 No longer caring
 That my nerves were shot.

 I stared at my notes,
 But my thoughts were muddy,
 My eyes went ablur,
 I just couldn't study.

"Some pizza might help,"
 I said with a shiver,
 But each place I called
 Refused to deliver.

 I'd nearly concluded
 That life was too cruel,
 With futures depending
 On grades had in school.

 When all of a sudden,
 Our door opened wide,
 And Patron Saint Put It Off
 Ambled inside.

 His spirit was careless,
 His manner was mellow,
 He started to bellow:

 "What kind of student
 Would make such a fuss,
 To toss back at teachers
 What they tossed at us?"

 "On Cliff Notes!  On Crib Notes!
 On Last Year's Exams!
 On Wingit and Slingit,
 And Last Minute Crams!"

 His message delivered,
 He vanished from sight,
 But we heard him laughing
 Outside in the night.

"Your teachers have pegged you,
 So just do your best.
 Happy Finals to All,
 And to All, a good test."



5. 



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