Today's poems [4.15.10]
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i've got a virus
i feel like a used tissue
my head is congested
if i blow my nose once more,
i will explode!
i'm whiny,i'm cranky ,
i'm stuck in my bed
my face is puke green
and my nose is bright red!
my eyes are all bloodshot
my nostrils are crusting;
this sickness has made
i cough and i sneeze
spreading germs everywhere
my room is a health hazard-
being sick is no fun
in fact,it's a pain
i'm told i'll get better soon!
untill then...i'll complain
There was an old maid from Bruton
Who had the bad habit of pootin'.
Her sphincter was weak,
Her wind she couldn't keep---
This tootin' old spinster from Bruton.
There was a sad prude out in Iowa
Who would say, "Please say it my way:
Do not say fuck,
It don't rhyme with duck.
Say untcay and itshay and uckfay."
He's teaching her arithmetic, he said it was his mission.
He kissed her once, he kissed her twice and said, "Now that's addition."
And as he added smack by smack, in silent satisfication,
she sweetly gave the kisses back and said, "Now that's subtraction."
Then he kissed her, she kissed him without an explanation.
And both together smiled and said, "That's multiplication."
Then Dad appeared upon the scene and made a quick decision.
He kicked that kid three blocks away and said, "That's long division!"
There was a young man named O'Rourke,
Heard babies were brought by the stork,
So he went to the zoo
And attempted to screw
One old bird -- end-result: didn't work.
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