Today's jokes [4.7.10]
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A small boy walks into his mothers room and catches her topless.
"Mummy, mummy, what are these?" he says, pointing to her breasts.
"Well, son," she says, "these are balloons, and when you die,
they inflate and float you up to heaven."
Incredibly, he appears to believe this explanation and goes off
Two days later while his mother is making tea, he rushes into
"Mummy, mummy, Aunt Mary is dying!"
What do you mean? says his mother.
Well she's in the garden shed, lying on the floor. Both her
balloons are out, Dad's blowing them up, and she keeps yelling
"God, I'm coming! I'm coming!!!"
Teacher: Johnny, give me a sentence starting with "I".
Little Johnny: I is...
Teacher: No, Little Johnny. Always say "I am."
Little Johnny: All right. "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
Telegram received from ex-employee:
"Fuck you. I quit. Strong message to follow."
Why don't mexicans have checking accounts?
It's too hard to spray paint your name on the little line.
One day, a young cowboy and a cowgirl decided to get married.
He was a man of the world and she was an innocent bride with
On the first night of their honeymoon the couple washed up
and started to get ready for bed. When they get into bed,
they start exploring each other's bodies.
Things are going fine until the bride discovers her
husband's penis. "Oh my", she says, "What is that?"
"Well, darlin", the cowboy says, "That's ma rope".
\She slides her hands further down and gasps.
"Oh my goodness. What's them?" she asks.
"Honey, them's my knots", he answers.
Finally, the couple begin to make love. After several minutes,
the bride says, "Stop honey. Wait a minute".
Her husband, panting a little, asks, "What's the matter honey?
Am I hurting you?"
"No", the bride replies. "Just undo them damn knots.
I need more rope!"
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