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Today's jokes [4.26.10]

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How do you make a gay baby cry?

Take the pacifier out of his ass.


Saddam Hussein calls President Clinton and tells him, "Bill, I had a
wonderful dream last night.  I could see America, the whole beautiful
country, and on each house I saw a banner."

"What did it say on the banners?"  Clinton asks.

Saddam replies, "Allah is god, god is Allah."

Clinton says, "You know, Saddam, I am really happy you called.  Last night 
I had a similar dream.  I could see all of Baghdad, and it was more 
beautiful than ever.  It had been rebuilt completely, and on each house 
flew an enormous banner."

"What could you see on the banners?"  Saddam asks.

Clinton replies, "I don't know.  I can't read Hebrew."


Two pedophiles were sitting on the beach.

One said to the other "Hey get out of my son!" 


   In 1993, the University of Kentucky did a study to see why the head of
   a man's penis was
   larger than the shaft. After one year and $ 80,000.00, they concluded
   that the reason the
   head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure
   during sex.
   After the study was published, the University of South Carolina
   decided to do their own
   study. After $250,000.00, and 3 years of research, they concluded that
   the reason was to
   give the woman more pleasure during sex.
   The University of Georgia, unsatisfied with these findings, conducted
   their own study.
   After 2 weeks and a cost of around $75.46, they concluded that it was
   to keep a man's
   hand from flying off and hitting him in the forehead.


One day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up a 
picture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is. No one 
raises his/her hand. The teacher says "See it's long neck? What 
animal has a long neck?"

Sally holds up her hand and asks if it is a giraffe. "Very good 
Sally," the teacher replies. Next she holds up a picture of a zebra. 
None of the students holds up his/her hands. "See the stripes on 
this animal? What animal has stripes?" Billy holds up his hand and 
says it is a zebra. "Very good Billy," the teacher replies. Next 
she holds up a picture of a deer. None of the students recognized 
the animal.

"See the big antlers on this animal. What animal has horns like this?"

Still no one guesses. "Let me give you another hint, it's 
something your mother calls your father."

Johnny shouts out "I know what it is, it's a horny bastard."


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