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Today's jokes [4.24.10]

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The UN sponsored a competition on which nation can produce the best book
on elephants.

The British submited a dry historical account "The Elephant and the
    British Empire."

The French submited a text "The Sensuality of the Elephant -- a Personal
    Account."

The Germans submited 47 Volumes entitled "An Elementary Introduction to the
    Foundation of the Science of the Elephant's Ear."

The Americans submited an article from "Money" magazine: "Elephants -- the
    Perfect Tax Shelter for the 80s"

Green-Peace submited a counter-entry "Elephants -- they're better than
    People"

The Russians submited a terse manuscript titled "The superiority of
    the Soviet Elephant"

And  submited a poem "The Joy and
    Freedom Brought forth by the Soviet Elephant."

But the Japanese won with their Promotional Flier "We have no Elephants but
    wouldn't you want to buy a Honda instead"


1. 




How do I know anything really exists?

Kick it *really* hard.


2. 




A supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts, and a woman I 
know intended to stock up. At the store, however, she was 
disappointed to find only a few skimpy prepackaged portions of the 
poultry, so she complained to the butcher. "don't worry, ya ," he 
said. "I'll pack some more trays and have them ready for you by the 
time you finish shopping." 

Several aisles later, my friend heard the butcher's voice boom over 
the public-address system: "Will the lady who wanted bigger breasts 
please meet me at the back of the store."

3. 




How many men does it take to open a beer?

None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

4. 




   A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told the physician that her
   husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she wasn't sure it
   was such a good idea.
   
   The Doctor asked, "Do you enjoy it?"
   
   She said that she did.
   
   He asked, "Does it hurt you?"
   
   She said no.
   
   The Doctor then told her, "Well, then, there's no reason that you
   shouldn't practice anal sex, if that's what you like, so long as you
   take care not to get pregnant."
   
   The woman was mystified. She asked, "You can get pregnant from anal
   sex?"
   
   The Doctor replied, "Of course. Where do you think lawyers come from?"
   


5. 



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