Today's jokes [4.20.10]
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Certificate of Upgrade to
Certificate of Upgrade
is awarded to
In Recognition of Your Obnoxious Attitude, Ability to Piss
People Off, Complete Asinine Juvenile Behavior and Total
Dedication to Personal Gain Without Regard to the Many
Hardships You Have Forced Upon Friends, Family, and Others
During Your Lifetime, You Have Become a Legend In YOUR Own
To Recognize Your Upgrade From Half-Assed to Complete Asshole
Gives All Concerned Great Satisfaction. If Anyone, For Any
Reason, Doubts Your Status,
JUST BE YOURSELF!
Effective Date _________________ Signed _____________________
One balmy evening in Rome the Pope decides to take a walk.
He slips out the rear door of the Vatican and is walking
through the back alleys of Rome when he sees a ten-year-old
boy smoking a cigarette. The Pope gently says to him, "Young
man, you're much too young to smoke!"
The kid looks up at the Pope and says, "Fuck you!"
The Pope is completely taken aback. "What?" he says. "You say
that to *me*, the Pontiff, the Vicar of Christ, the head of
the Roman Catholic Church? I am the spiritual leader for
millions of people, young man, the representative of God,
and you dare to say that to *me*? No, no, no, kid, fuck *YOU*!"
What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to Pee Wee Herman in their holding cell at
"Stop playing with my lunch."
Good News, Bad News, Worse News II
Your son studies a lot in his room
You find several porn movies hidden there
You're in them
This guy goes into a restaurant. He's a little more than strung out from
lack of sleep. The waiter asked for his order. Trying to be funny he asked
the waiter for a hit of his best heroin. Struggling to keep a straight
The waiter says,"I'm sorry sir, we're all out".
"In that case bring me an espresso and a syringe", our friend says.
Being a restaurant that prided itself on good service the waiter brought
him an espresso, with a straw of course.
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