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Today's jokes [4.2.10]

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And Jesus said unto his disciples, "Whom do men say 
that I am?"

And His disciples answered unto Him, "Master, 
thou art the supreme eschatological manifestation 
of omnipotent ecclesiastical authority, the absolute, 
divine, sacerdotal monarch."

And Jesus said, "What?"

1. 




A kindergartner was practicing spelling with magnetic letters on the 
refrigerator: cat, dog, dad, and mom had been proudly displayed for all to 
see. One morning while getting ready for the day, he bounded into the room 
with his arms outstretched. In his hands were three magnetic letters: G-O-
D. 
"Look what I spelled, Mom!" with a proud smile on his face. 
"That's wonderful!" his mom praised him. "Now go put them on the fridge so 
Dad can see when he gets home tonight." 
The mom happily thought that her son's Catholic education was certainly 
having an impact. Just then, a little voice called from the kitchen: "Mom? 
How do you spell 'zilla'?"

2. 




A middle manager is called into his bosses office on a Monday morning.
He is told he has to get rid of one employee in his department by the
next Monday. "Downsizing."

He's really upset. Everyone in his department does a good job and it
doesn't seem fair. So for the next 2 days he racks his brain trying to
figure out who to fire. On Tuesday afternoon he sees Jack and Jill
standing at the water cooler. He says to himself, "Okay it's going to be
one of them."

He spends the next few days scrutinizing what each of them does.
Everything is equal. Productivity. Time off. Reports. Everything. He's
in a quandary. It's Friday afternoon and he knows his going to have to
think about this all weekend. Everyone has left the office except Jack and
Jill, who are getting ready to leave. She comes over to say goodbye.

"Have a good weekend boss. Hey you don't look so good. Is everything
okay?"
He looks at her and says "To be honest, I'm having a tough time here. I
can't decide if I should lay you or Jack off."

And she looks at him and says "Well I have to catch a bus, so i suggest
you jack off.

3. 




Thirty minutes before a plane landed, its cabin lights came on,
indicating to the flight attendants that breakfast could be served.
One of the passengers, upset because he was awakened, growled, "Who
turned on the fucking lights!"
"Oh, no sir," the nearest flight attendant replied. "Those are the 
breakfast lights. You slept through the 'fucking lights.'"

4. 




"Mom, I'm pregnant."

"How can that be?  What did I tell you about sex?"

"That I should take measures.  That's what I did!  I took 
measures and then went with the biggest."

5. 



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