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Today's jokes [4.16.10]

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Waiter: "How did you find your steak, sir,"? 
Young Man: "Quite accidentally, I assure you. 
I moved that piece of lettuce and there it was." 

1. 




Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra, you've got nothing to put in it?

Wife: You wear briefs, don't you? 

2. 




What would you do if you had a condum with a hole
in it in one pocket, and a rattle snake in the other pocket? 

     I don't know either, but I do know that I wouldn't screw with either one of them. 

3. 




   Alice was becoming frustrated by her husband's insistence that they
   make
   love in the dark. Hoping to free him of his inhibitions, she flipped
   on her
   reading lamp one passionate night -- only to find a cucumber in his
   hand.
   "Is THIS", she asked, pointing to the vegetable, "what you've been
   using
   on me for the last 5 years?" "Honey, let me explain..." "Why, you
   sneaky
   bastard!" she screamed. "You impotent son of a -" "Speaking of
   sneaky,"
   her husband coolly interjected, "maybe you'd like to explain our three
   kids."
   


4. 




Mongo's old lady decided she wanted t do
something special to please him on his
birthday, so she bought a pair of crotchless
panties. 
That night, as he came into the house, she
lay sprawled on the couch spread-eagle.
"Hi hon," she purred sexily. "Y'all want
some of this?"
"Hell, no!" he hollered. "Look at what it's
done to your undies!"

5. 



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