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Today's jokes [4.15.10]

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One night a police officer named Mike was working the grave-yard shift and 
he drove to his house around 3 A.M. in the morning.  He opened the door to 
the bedroom quietly and took off his clothes in the dark ,and got in bed 
with his wife.  Then she said ,"Honey, can you go over to the Drug Store 
and pick me up some Asprin?"  The husband said yes, got dressed in the 
dark, and walked over to the Drug Store.
When he got to the Drug Store, he got the Asprin and went up to the desk 
so that the clerk could ring it up.  Then when he got up there, the clerk 
asked,"Say, Aren't you Mike This-and-That?"
Mike answered him and said, "Yes I am."
Then the clerk looked puzzled and asked, "Well, aren't you a police 
And again Mike replied yes.
Then the clerk asked,"Then why are you dressed like the fire chief?"

Sent by Tyler


What does a woman do to her asshole in the morning? 

    -Sends him to work.


   Costello: Hey, Abbott!
   Abbot: Yes, Lou?
   Costello: I just got my first computer.
   Abbot: That's great Lou. What did you get?
   Costello: A Pentium II-266, with 40 Megs of RAM, a 2.1 Gig hard drive,
   and a 24X CD-ROM.
   Abbot: That's terrific, Lou.
   Costello: But I don't know what any of it means!!
   Abbot: You will in time.
   Costello: That's exactly why I am here to see you.
   Abbot: Oh?
   Costello: I heard that you are a real computer expert.
   Abbot: Well, I don't know-
   Costello: Yes-sir-ee. You know your stuff. And you're going to train
   Abbot: Really?
   Costello: Uh huh. And I am here for my first lesson.
   Abbot: O.K. Lou. What do you want to know?
   Costello: I am having no problem turning it on, but I heard that you
   should be very careful how you turn it off.
   Abbot: That's true.
   Costello: So, here I am working on my new computer and I want to turn
   it off. What do I do?
   Abbot: Well, first you press the Start button, and then-
   Costello: No, I told you, I want to turn it off.
   Abbot: I know, you press the Start button-
   Costello: Wait a second. I want to turn it off. Off. I know how to
   start it. So tell me what to do.
   Abbot: I did.
   Costello: When?
   Abbot: When I told you to press the Start button.
   Costello: Why should I press the Start button?
   Abbot: To shut off the computer.
   Costello: I press Start to stop.
   Abbot: Well Start doesn't actually stop the computer.
   Costello: I knew it! So what do I press.
   Abbot: Start
   Costello: Start what?
   Abbot: Start button.
   Costello: Start button to do what?
   Abbot: Shut down.
   Costello: You don't have to get rude!
   Abbot: No, no, no! That's not what I meant.
   Costello: Then say what you mean.
   Abbot: To shut down the computer, press-
   Costello: Don't say, "Start!"
   Abbot: Then what do you want me to say?
   Costello: Look, if I want to turn off the computer, I am willing to
   press the Stop button, the End button and Cease and Desist button, but
   no one in their right mind presses the Start to Stop.
   Abbot: But that's what you do.
   Costello: And you probably Go at Stop signs, and Stop at green lights.
   Abbot: Don't be ridiculous.
   Costello: I am being ridiculous? Well. I think it's about time we
   started this conversation.
   Abbot: What are you talking about?
   Costello: I am starting this conversation right now. Good-bye.


This guy goes to sperm bank to give a sample. So the girl At the front 
desk says to him:
"Thank you for coming." 


Drive carefully. 90% of the people on the road are caused by accident.


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