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Today's jokes [4.11.10]

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An old man is sitting on the park bench crying. Another old
man sits down next to him and says, "Mister, what's the
problem?"
The old man wipes the tears from his eyes and explains, "I've
got this beautiful, 35 year old wife, and all she wants to do is
make love from the moment I walk in the door till the moment
we go to sleep and then when we wake up again."
"So, what the hell is the problem?"
"Mister, you don't understand... I forgot where I live!"Another old
man sits down next to him and says, "Mister, what's the
problem?"
The old man wipes the tears from his eyes and explains, "I've
got this beautiful, 35 year old wife, and all she wants to do is
make love from the moment I walk in the door till the moment
we go to sleep and then when we wake up again."
"So, what the hell is the problem?"
"Mister, you don't understand... I forgot where I live!"

1. 




Q: Why do cavemen drag women by the hair instead of ankles?
A: So they don't fill up with rocks!!!


2. 




What is the smartest blonde?

A golden retriever

3. 




   There's a student in medical school who wants to specialize in sexual
   disorders, so he makes arrangements to visit the sexual disorder
   clinic. The chief doctor is showing him around, discussing cases and
   the facility, when the student sees a patient masturbating right there
   in the hallway.
   
   "What condition does he have?" the student asks.
   
   "He suffers from Seminal Buildup Disorder," the doctor replies. "If he
   doesn't obtain sexual release forty to fifty times a day, he'll pass
   into a coma."
   
   The student takes some notes on that, and they continue down the hall.
   
   As they turn the corner, he sees another patient with his pants around
   his ankles, receiving oral sex from a beautiful nurse.
   
   "What about him?" the student asks. "What's his story?"
   
   "Oh, it's the same condition," the doctor replies. "He just has a
   better health plan."
   


4. 




An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he 
called his lawyer. "I want to become a lawyer. How much is 
it or the express degree you told me about?"

"It's $50,000," the lawyer said. "But why? You'll be dead soon, 
why do you want to become a lawyer?"

"That's my business! Get me the course!"

Four days later, the old man got his law degree. His lawyer 
was at his bedside, making sure his bill would be paid.

Suddenly the old man was racked with fits of coughing and 
it was clear that this would be the end. Still curious, the 
lawyer leaned over and said, "please, before it's too late, 
tell me why you wanted to to get a law degree so badly before 
you died?"

In a faint whisper, as he breathed his last, the old man said, 
"One less lawyer . . ."

5. 



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