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Today's jokes [4.1.10]

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What does the snail say when he gets on the turtle?



A young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner "Mom
& Pop" grocery picking out a pretty good size box of laundry
detergent. The grocer walked over, and, trying to be friendly,
asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do. 

"Oh, no laundry," the boy said, "I'm going to wash my dog."
"But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's very
powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In
fact, it might even kill him." 

But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent
to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to
talk him out of washing his dog. 

About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some
candy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing. 

"Oh, he died," the boy said. 

The grocer, trying not to be an "I-told-you-so", said he was
sorry the dog died but added, "I tried to tell you not to use
that detergent on your dog." 

"Well, the boy replied, "I don't think it was the detergent
that killed him." 

"Oh? What was it then?" 

"I think it was the spin cycle!" 


A hill country husband died and left everything to his wife.
He put a provision in his will though that she couldn't touch
any of it until she turned 14.


Little Johnny was in a spelling bee in class. He had to spell the word and 
use it in a sentence. The teacher asked him to please spell the word EAR. 
Little Johnny stood up and proudly said EAR E,A,R. Then to use it in a 
sentence he pretended to take a big hit off a joint and then while 
pretending to have his lungs full of smoke he predended to pass the joint 
to little Suzy and said "Ear" 


Mr. Smith was brought to Mercy Hospital (a Catholic hospital),
 and taken quickly in for coronary surgery. The operation went
 well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was
 reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed.
 "Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine," said the nun, gently
 patting his hand. "We do need to know, however, how you intend to
 pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?"
 "No, I'm not," the man whispered hoarsely.
 "Then can you pay in cash?" persisted the nun.
 "I'm afraid I cannot, Sister."
 "Well, do you have any close relatives?" the nun questioned
 "Just my sister in New Mexico," he volunteered. "But she's a
 humble spinster nun."
 "Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not spinsters - 
 they are married to God."
 "Wonderful," said Mr. Smith. "In that case, please send 
 the bill to my brother-in-law."


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