Today's jokes [3.7.10]

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 pregnant women were waiting in the doctor's waiting room for an antenatal
check-up and were all knitting garments for there respective babies.
Suddnely the first expectant mother stops knitting, checks her watch, 
pulls a bottle of pills from her handbag and takes one...
"What was that?", the other two ask, curiously.
"Calcium tablet. Good for mommy, good for little baby", she replies, patting
her stomach affectionately.
Satisfied, all 3 continue with their knitting...
5 minutes later, the second one stops knitting, checks her watch, takes a
bottle of pills from her handbag and takes one..
"What was that?", the other two enquire
"Vitamin tablet", she replies, "Good for mommy, good for little baby" and
she pats her stomach affectionately.
All 3 smile and continue busily with their knitting...
5 minutes later, the last woman stops knitting, checks her watch, takes a
bottle of pills from her handbag and takes one..
"What was that?" ask the other two..
"Thalidomide. I can't knit sleeves..."

This guy goes into a doctors and says "Doctor, doctor you've gotta help 
me. I just can't stop having sex!"
"Well how often do you have it?" the doctor asks. "Well, twice a day I 
have sex with my wife, TWICE a day", he answers back.
"That's not so much", says the doctor. "Yes, but thats not all. Twice a 
day I have sex with my secretary, TWICE a day," replies the man.
"Well that is probably a bit excessive," says the doctor. "Yes, but
thats not all. Twice a day I have sex with a prostitute, TWICE a day," 
says the man. "Well, that's definitely to much", says the doctor.
"You've got to learn to take yourself in hand." "I do", says the man. 
"Twice a day." 

What is the difference between a jew and a canoe?
A canoe tips.....

Sent by deadcatz

A man rented a camel to make a trip to an important customer out in the 
desert. There was only one camel available, and it had one little problem, 
the guy told him. Periodically, this camel would stop and refuse to move 
until somebody beat it off. The man is desperate, so he decides he will go 
along with that. He sets off into the desert. Sure as hell, he has to beat 
off the camel every day for the first three days. On the fourth day, the 
camel stops again and refuses to move, so the guy gets down and prepares 
to do his duty, but the camel quickly steps aside. He tries again, And 
again. Finally in exasperation he walks in front of the camel and says 
"For Christ's sake, what do you want now?" The camel puckers up and makes 
little sucking noises.

Q. Why wasn't jesus born in the U.S.A ?
A. Because god couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

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