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Today's jokes [3.4.10]

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Hillary and Chelsea were having a deep dish heart
to heart talk about Chelsea's college experiences. 

Hillary:  So have you found dating to be fullflling

Chelsea:  It's okay..but i don't like how the boys
          sometimes act like real sex hounds. 

Hillary:  Well, uh, have you, uh, actually had sex? 

Chelsea:  Well Mom, no, not IF you define sex the
          way Daddy does. 


Tombstone Epitaph 
Someone determined to be anonymous in Stowe, Vermont:
I was somebody.
Who, is no business of yours.


What do you call a Highlander with four sheep? 

     A pimp 


One day in school, the teacher wanted her kids to go through the
   alphabet and give a word that started with each letter. She started
   with 'A'.
   Dirty Ernie was waving his arm higher than all the other kids. She
   didn't want to call on him, because he was a pervert and always said
   bad things.
   She called on Betty instead. Betty stood up and said "Apple".
   "Very good, Betty! Next is the letter 'B' ." Again, Ernie was waving
   his arm as high as he could, but she picked Andy instead.
   "Excellent, Andy! How about 'C' ." Ernie was almost having a seizure
   he was waving so hard. The teacher picked Billy, still afraid of what
   Ernie would say.
   "Great job, Billy!"
   She continued going through the alphabet, never calling on Ernie. When
   she got to 'R', Ernie was the only child waving his arm. She thought
   to herself and couldn't think of anything too bad that started with
   'R' so she said, "OK Ernie, give me a word that starts with 'R' ."
   Ernie stood up straight, smiled and yelled, "RATS!!!! BIG FUCKING RATS
   WITH COCKS THIS FUCKING LONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"


If Wang made toasters...
Marketing would never agree upon what customers really want
or need in a toaster so millions of dollars would be spent
in development and the toaster would be several years late.
Just after release Wang would buy another company whose
toaster ran on NT but would find that they got more orders
for the original.


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