Today's jokes [3.31.10]
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How do you get four old ladies to say the F word?
Have the fifth one say.... BINGO!
Consider the following:
Female guitar player shouting at her boyfriend in a
crowded shopping mall: "Don't forget, sweetheart,
I need a new G string!"
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the
strongest man around that they offered a standing $1,000.00 bet. The
bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass,
and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop
of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time
(weightlifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it.
One day this scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a
polyester suit, and said in a tiny, squeaky voice, "I'd like to try
the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK,
grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled
remains of the rind to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned
to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six
drops fell into the glass.
As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1,000.00, and asked the
little man, "what do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a
weightlifter, or what?" The man replied, "I work for the IRS."
Two hookers were on a street corner. They started discussing business,
and one of the hookers said, "Gonna be a good night, I smell cock in
The other hooker looked at her and said, "No, I just burped."
This lady who was living in New York City had to get back to
her old country but she was broke.
One day she wandered down to the docks and spotted a worker
getting ready to load supplies onto a boat.
"Please I need to get back to England" she pleaded.
"If you sneak me onboard tonight I'll give you favors all the way
across the ocean."
Well needless to say later that night he put her in a duffel bag
and carried her onboard. Down in the hold where she was
hidden he said, "When I bring you some food, twice a day,
I'll collect." And being true to her word she agreed.
This went on for about a week when by accident the captain
"Please don't get angry," she started to say and explained the
story to the captain who busted up laughing.
"Why are you laughing?" she demanded.
He said, "Because you're on the Statten Island Ferry."
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