Today's Jokes  |  Archives  |  Lists  |  Random  |  Register  |  RandJoke on Your Page  
 


Today's jokes [3.30.10]

Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to joke categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.


The doctor said to the housewife,
"I've got good news and I've got bad news.
The good news is you don't have PMS.
The bad news is - you're a bitch!"

1. 




How do you get an elephant into the fridge?
1. Open door.
2. Insert elephant.
3. Close door.

How do you get a giraffe into the fridge?
1. Open door.
2. Remove elephant.
3. Insert giraffe.
4. Close door.

How do you know there are *two* elephants in your fridge?
The door won't close.

How do you know there are *three* elephants in your fridge?
There'll be one waiting outside in the Mini.

How can you tell that an elephant has been in your fridge?
By the footprints in the butter.


2. 




One day Pete was complaining to his friend "my elbow hurts. I better
see a doctor". His friend said "Don't do that. There's a computer in
the drug store that can diagnose anything. It's quicker and cheaper
than visiting a doctor. Simply put a urine sample in the machine and
it will diagnose your problem and tell you what to do about it. It
only costs $10.00." 
Pete figured he had nothing to lose so he filled a jar with a urine
sample. He went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in
the sample and deposited $10.00. The computer started to make a weird
nose and various lights began to flash. After a brief pause, a small
slip of paper printed. It said: 

You have tennis elbow. 
Soak your arm in warm water,
avoid heavy labor,
it will be better in two weeks.

Later that evening, while thinking how amazing that computer was, Pete
began to wonder if it could be fooled. He decided to give it a try.
He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from
his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masterbated into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store, poured the sample into the machine and
deposited $10.00. The machinhe again made the usual noise and printed out
the following analysis: 

Your water is hard,
get a softener.
 
Your dog has worms, 
get him shots.
 
Your daughter's using cocaine,
get her into a rehab clinic.
 
Your wife's pregnant,
it's not yours,
get a lawyer.
 
And if you don't stop jerking off, 
Your tennis elbow will never get better!

3. 




Why do gays eat refried beans on Saturday night? 

So they can take a bubble bath Sunday morning.

4. 




   A few moments after the daughter announced her engagement, her Father
   asked, "Does this fellow have any money ?"
   
   The daughter shook her head sadly. "Oh Daddy ! You men are all alike."
   sighing deeply, she replied, "That's exactly what he asked me about
   you."


5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD





By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.

But wait! Don't forget to read

Today's Stories
Today's Poems
Today's Quotes
Today's Funny Pic

 March '10 Jokes Issues:
S  M  T  W  Th F  St
1  2  3  4  5  6  7  
8  9  10 11 12 13 14 
15 16 17 18 19 20 21 
22 23 24 25 26 27 28 
29 30 31 

Jump to  



For any questions or comments email us at info@jokes2go.com
Copyright© SpekGY, Inc, 1998-2016. All rights reserved.