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Today's jokes [3.28.10]

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Twenty men die and go to heaven. When they arrive they are told
to seperate into two lines. One for all the husbands that are
under their wives control and they other for those that control
their wives.

After the men seperate one of the angels notices that their are
nineteen men in the first line and only one in the second.

The angel walks up to the man and asks why he was so sure of his
independence.

"That's easy," said the fellow, "My wife told me to stand here!" 

1. 




Did you hear about the blind skunk who fell in love with a fart?

2. 




Helpful advice for travellers:
If you are going to get on a commercial flight, take a bomb with you.
BECAUSE:  What are the odds of TWO guys being on the SAME PLANE at the 
SAME TIME with a bomb?

3. 




Conversation over dinner:

 WOMAN: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?
 MAN:   Definitely not!
 WOMAN: Why not - don't you like being married?
 MAN:   Of course I do.
 WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
 MAN:   Okay, I'd get married again.
 WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)
 MAN:   (makes audible groan)
 WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
 MAN:   Where else would we sleep?
 WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with
        pictures of her?
 MAN:   That would seem like the proper thing to do.
 WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
 MAN:   She can't use them; she's left-handed.
 WOMAN: - - - silence - - -
 MAN:   Oh Shit.

4. 




How do you know when you have a serious overbite?

When beaver starts tasting like shit. 

5. 



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