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Today's jokes [3.24.10]

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Q. Why was the female blonde confused whilst going to the 
ladies toilet??

A. She had to pull her own pants down

Sent by sam


A man is struck by a bus on a busy street in in New York City.
He lies dying on the sidewalk as a crowd of spectators gathers around.

"A priest. Somebody get me a priest!" the man gasps. A policeman
checks the crowd----no priest, no minister, no man of God of any kind.

"A PRIEST, PLEASE!" the dying man says again. Then out of the
crowd steps a little old Jewish man of at least eighty years of age.

"Mr. Policeman," says the man, "I'm not a priest. I'm not even
a Catholic. But for fifty years now I'm living behind St. Elizabeth's
Catholic Church on First Avenue, and every night I'm listening
to the Catholic litany. Maybe I can be of some comfort to this man."

The policeman agreed and brought the octogenarian over to where
the dying man lay. He kneels down, leans over the injured and says
in a solemn voice:

"Under the B, 4. Under the I, 19. Under the N, 38.
Under the G, 54. Under the O, 72. . ." 


"Dad, can i ask you something?" 
    "Sure! What about?" 
    "You see, I'm already fourteen and...I think 
    it's just proper that i should own one." 
    "And what is this 'one' you're referring to?" 
    "Could you buy me a neat set of brassieres?" 
    "My nipples are already prominent and it 
    catches attention." 
    "It will be just proper at my age..." 
    "I said no way...!" 
    "But all of my friends wears.......!" 
    "David! How many times shall i tell you that 
    bras are for girls!?"


    At the Doctor's...
   -A young woman said to her doctor,
   "You have to help me, I hurt all over."
   "What do you mean?" said the doctor.
   -The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled,
   "Ow, that hurts."
   -Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled,
   "Ouch! That hurts, too."
   -Then she touched her right earlobe.
   "Ow, even THAT hurts."
   The doctor asked the woman, "Are you a natural blonde?"
   -"Why yes," she said.
   "I thought so," said the doctor. "You have a sprained finger."


   Father, mother and son decide to go to the zoo one day. So they set
   off and are seeing lots of animals. Eventually they end up opposite
   the elephant house. The boy looks at the elephant, sees its willy,
   points to it and says, "Mummy, what is that long thing?"
   His mother replies, "That, son, is the elephant's trunk."
   "No, at the other end."
   "That, son is the tail."
   "No, mummy, the thing under the elephant."
   A short embarrassed silence after which she replies, "That's nothing."
   The mother goes to buy some ice-cream and the boy, not being satisfied
   with her answer, asks his father the same question.
   "Daddy, what is that long thing?"
   "That's the trunk, son," replies the father.
   "No at the other end."
   "Oh, that is the tail."
   "No, no daddy, the thing below," asks the son in desperation.
   "That is the elephants penis. Why do you ask son?"
   "Well mummy said it was nothing," says the boy.
   Replies the father: "I tell you, I spoil that woman ..."


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