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Today's jokes [3.23.10]

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Why can't Frankenstein have children? 

     Because his nuts are on his neck. 


A man tried to sell his neighbour a new dog. "This is a talking dog," he
said. "And you can have him for five dollars." The neighbour said, "Who do
you think you're kidding with this talking dog stuff? There ain't no such
Suddenly the dog looked up with tears in his eyes. "Please buy me, Sir," he
pleaded. "This man is cruel. He never buys me a meal, never bathes me,
never takes me for a walk. And I used to be the richest trick dog in
America. I performed before kings. I was in the army and was decorated ten
"Hey!" said the neighbour. "He can talk. Why do you want to sell him for
just five dollars?" "Because," said the seller, "I'm getting tired of all
his lies."


This bloke picks up woman at the local pub. They go for a romantic
walk down the street. They walk hand in hand and as they stroll his
lustful desires rise to a fever pitch.
He is just about to put the  hard word on her when she says, "I hope you don't
mind but I'm busting to have a piss".
Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity he replies, "OK why
don't you go behind these bushes".
She nods in agreement and disappears behind the bushes.
As he waits he can hear the sound of nylon knickers rolling
down her voluptuous legs and imagines what is being exposed.
Unable to contain himself for another moment, he reaches through
a gap in the foliage, his hand touching her leg. He quickly brings his
hand further up her thigh until suddenly he finds himself gripping a long,
thick appendage hanging between her legs.
He shouts in horror "My God, don't tell me your really a bloke!".
"No" she replies", "I've changed my mind, I'm having a shit instead."


What is the difference between a toilet and Convienience Store Clerk?

A toilet only has to deal with one asshole at a time.


   In little Johnny's class at school, there's this kid with no arms or
   legs called Philip. One day after school, Johnny goes round his house
   and knocks on the door.
   Philip's mother answers the door, and says, "Yes Johnny, what can I do
   for you?"
   "Can Philip come out? - we're all skipping in the park"
   Philip's mum says, "But Johnny, you know he's got no arms or legs."
   "Yeah, I know," says little Johnny, "I just want to see his stumps


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